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How Do You Heal Deep Loneliness?

How many of us are seeking open, warm, fulfilling romantic relationships and friendships? But are holding ourselves back out of fear of rejection or betrayal? Or keep so much inside, have troubles connecting on a deep emotional level, afraid to speak the words of love or give voice to ?

Connecting with others isn’t just an enjoyable way to pass the time. It’s a pretty important aspect of well-being. Humans are social creatures after all, and not getting enough social interaction can have a serious impact on your health.

Most of our problems with inability to trust, insecurity, fear to speak our needs, fear of betrayal and abandonment stem from childhood. It is extremely important for the child to be able to trust others, feel safe and accepted as his/her True Self and to be fully trusted in turn. It is also critical to be seen, heard, supported, guided (not controlled and manipulated) and validated.

Chronic loneliness among adults has reached epidemic proportions.Because loneliness is linked to feelings of shame and inadequacy, people who suffer tend to hide it from others. They can be skilled at masking these feelings in their social interactions. By all outward appearances, they seem “fine.” But inside, their loneliness hurts.

Loneliness isn’t about being alone; rather, it reflects a lack of meaningful connection to others. You can have a wide circle of friends — or an impressive number of social media followers — and still feel lonely. You can be in a long-term relationship or married — and still feel lonely. You can be outgoing, gregarious and the life of the party — and still feel lonely.

The types of childhood trauma that put people at the highest risk of suffering from significant loneliness in adulthood include:

  • Early life attachment issues between a child and their parent or primary caregiver;

  • Lack of unconditional love, including constant criticism;

  • Neglect or abuse—physical, sexual or emotional; and/or

  • Loss of parent or primary caregiver, whether through addiction, incarceration, abandonment or death.

These traumatic experiences frequently result in emotional dysregulation, contributing to volatile, unstable relationships. Individuals who have difficulty forming healthy emotional connections are, therefore, more likely to feel chronic and/or intensified feelings of loneliness.

Enduring trauma doesn’t mean you’re destined to live with loneliness. In order to heal we must come out of isolation and hiding.

Smell is the only one of our five senses that is directly linked to the lobe of the brain that houses our emotions and is shown to have a direct effect on the limbic system. Along with all positive emotions, negative emotions such as fear, anger, depression, and anxiety originate from this area.

Many people turn to prescription drugs to find relief from uncomfortable psychological symptoms, but because of pharmaceuticals’ strange, unnatural design, they will always disrupt certain other bodily functions. Thus, you always have some side effects.

Aromatherapy for loneliness.

Essential oils address symptoms at a cellular level by deleting misinformation and reprogramming correct information so that cells function properly and in harmony with one another.

When you work with healing deep loneliness you need to address various aspects, emotional and physical symptoms that accompany it, including fear, anxiety, depression and emotional trauma.

The most helpful essential oil to address all aspects of loneliness are: Bergamot, Clary Sage, Frankincense, Helichrysum, Roman Chamomile, Rose Otto, Vetiver, Ylang Ylang. That is why they were chosen in different combinations for Maitri Verde True Self Aroma formulas.

Use True Self Maitri Aroma for the deep healing of emotional trauma.

Use True Self Release Maitri Aroma for the release and lighting of painful or repressed emotions such as grief, sadness or to release any stirred emotional response to old trauma.

Use True Self Tranquility Aroma to help with anxiety and depression, especially with social anxiety. Apply the formulas topically and inhale before and during any social event you need to attend.

Use True Self Confidence Aroma to ground yourself and work on your self-esteem and confidence. It is also helpful before and during public speaking, attending public events and romantic dates. Use it alone or blend together on your skin with True Self Tranquility Aroma

Use True Self Happiness Aroma to uplift your mood and reduce emotional eating, drinking and other distracting behavior.

Flower Essences for loneliness.

Flower essences are a vibrational medicine (like homeopathy, sound, or crystals) that bring the resonance of healing flowers into the subtle energy system. Transforming our subtle energy field in this way has a direct and immediate impact on our cells, our physical body, and our health.

Maitri Verde's Heart Opener and Connection work directly with the problem of isolation, social anxiety, depression, lack of trust and processing emotional trauma of childhood neglected abuse as well as grief of a recent loss.

It is highly beneficial to start with Heart Opener Flower Essence Elixir (1 bottle) and follow with a course of 3-4 months of Connection Flower Essence Elixir.

If you suffer from a severe grief, please work with the Heart Healing Kit, and only then beginning your work with Connection Flower Essence Elixir.

If you need a personalized aromatherapy or flower essence blend or help choosing the right remedy or healing protocol - a private session with Anna Bazarnaya could be a good solution for you.

10 powerful ways to break through loneliness:

1. Identify and validate that you feel lonely and disconnected. Denial and shame only perpetuate the problem. Sit with the fact. Admit it fully and see if you can sense where loneliness lives in your body. If you locate it - begin applying your aromatherapy roll-on over that part of your body.

2. Start taking your natural remedies. Be kind and patient with yourself and don't try to force the progress.

3. Take stock of the connections you already have. Think about all the people that care about you —and that you care about. It can be easy to forget how wide your circle actually extends, especially if you’re in a negative emotional spiral. Make a commitment to nurture your most valuable connections and take actionable steps such as: send a postcard on a holiday, send one text message a week/month, have a phone call and in person meeting. Make it a priority, set reminders and check your success. Limit your use of social media. Don’t let it replace human interaction. Instead of texting, pick up the phone and have a conversation. Better yet, make plans to meet up with an old (or new) friend.

5. Slow down and cut the distractions. Use your alone time to connect with yourself, whatever that means to you. Journal. Take a walk. Light a candle. Sip a cup of tea. Meditate. While some equate solitude with loneliness, there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. The latter is essential for mental health and effective leadership. It’s a date with yourself. Writing about emotional pain in a journal can lower levels of stress and can be the preclude to sharing feelings with others.

6. Get out every day. Have some sort of face-to-face interaction with someone — even if it’s a stranger. Research shows that even weak bonds strengthen your immunity and overall well being.

7. Join a group. Encourage yourself to join a meetup, group or club where you actually interact with other people. You never know where you’ll make a meaningful connection! The group should be non judgemental, non shaming, democratic and non controlling, where each person can be different.

8. Spending time in green space or bringing nature into your everyday life can benefit both your mental and physical wellbeing. For example, doing things like growing food or flowers, exercising outdoors or being around animals can have lots of positive effects. Nurturing something else into life can really help your wellbeing and gently caring for something helps to learn to care for yourself.

9. Seek professional help — especially if you’ve experienced trauma. If you have difficulty connecting with people, it might take more than leaving your comfort zone or engaging in social skills training. A trained psychotherapist can help your process — and heal from — your childhood trauma, paving the way to healthy, fulfilling relationships in adulthood.

10. Educate yourself on the subject. There are wonderful books that can help you understand yourself, the roots your problem stem and give additional tips on what can you do to feel better:

Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child

by Margaret Paul, Erika J. Chopich

The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook: The 6-Step Inner Bonding Process for Healing Yourself and Your Relationships by Erika J. Chopich, Margaret Paul

The Anatomy of Loneliness: How to Find Your Way Back to Connection by Teal Swan

Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw


May you be free from pain and shame that makes you hide

May you forgive and forget the past

May you allow yourself to trust

May you take a risk to be vulnerable

May you drop the armor and open your heart to LOVE again

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