Letting Go of Perfection: A Mother’s Day Reflection

Anna Bazarnaya
May 7
4 min read

Updated: May 7

Mother's Day is approaching, and with it, a tide of emotions.

For some, it's a day of celebration filled with love and appreciation. For others, all the pastel ribbons, curated bouquets, and calligraphy cards only stir grief, resentment, or longing. The cultural story we're handed offers just one version of motherhood to honor. But what about those still untangling the invisible threads of what motherhood left behind?

That's why this year, I want to speak about something we rarely name out loud: the mother wound.

The mother wound isn't just about who hurt us. It's about what was missing. That lack of attunement, safety, or tenderness can come from many directions. Sometimes, it comes from our mother, sometimes from a caregiver, a system, or the weight of generational trauma and cultural expectation. It's not about blame, confrontation, or waiting for someone to apologize to us.

Healing the mother wound is a deeply personal process that asks us to reflect on how our early experiences shaped our adult lives, how we love, how we create, and how tightly we try to control everything, hoping to feel safe. It's an invitation to meet ourselves with compassion where perhaps no one else could.

I was reminded of this recently while standing over a tray of freshly poured candles, waiting for the wax to cool just enough to begin decorating.

A Lesson from Wax, Crystals, and Petals

When I first began making candles, it was just for myself. I thought of sprinkling dried lavender buds and adding amethyst for high vibes and energy clearing. But I quickly became frustrated—nothing landed exactly as I imagined. The petals sank or flew away, crystals shifted, and every candle looked different.

I wanted symmetry. Precision. Beauty that followed a plan.

But I soon learned: candle-making doesn't work that way.

The wax cools unpredictably. Some days it's slow to harden, other days it sets too fast. I reheat the surface gently, then place petals, crystals, bits of orange peel, or crushed white sage—but I never quite know where they'll land. Sometimes I try to adjust something, and it only makes it worse.

It used to frustrate me. Now, it's become a quiet ritual of surrender.

This small act—letting the petals fall where they may—has become a profound practice. It's taught me to release control, trust the process, and appreciate the uniqueness of handmade things over the sterile perfection of mass production.

And more than anything, it's mirrored my healing.

For years, I held myself to impossible standards, trying to shape myself into something lovable, tidy, competent, and always composed. But creativity became my best teacher because real creation doesn't live in control. It lives in the spaces between plans, in the messy, holy act of listening to what wants to come alive.

I see this in so many women I work with: the exhaustion of striving, the longing to belong, and the fear that if we stop trying so hard, everything will fall apart.

But the truth is, we don't need to be flawless to be worthy. We only need to be true.

Healing the Mother Wound, One Layer at a Time

If you've ever felt like you had to hold everything together, make yourself small, or keep others comfortable at your own expense, you're not alone. These patterns often begin in childhood, but they shape everything: how we love, how we rest, how we speak (or don't), and how we treat ourselves when no one is looking.

I created Healing the Mother Wound, an experiential class supported by flower essences, emotional aromatherapy, energy healing, and processing. It's a space for reflection and release—honoring the inner child, tending ancestral patterns, and coming home to your truth.

For those seeking more personalized guidance, I offer Reflection & Remedies private consultations. In those sessions, we explore what's surfacing in your life and create a custom remedy to support your healing.

A Mother's Day Offering from the Heart

This season, I have two special offerings:

Mother Wound Healing Kit:

A deeply supportive collection that includes:

Mother Wound Flower Essence Elixir (30 ml)
Lion's Heart Flower Essence Elixir (30 ml)
True Self: Self-Love Aroma Roll-On (10 ml)
True Self: Release Aroma Roll-On (10 ml)
Designed to accompany the class Healing Mother Wound course or support your personal healing process.